"It is normal to go through a period of denial and grief. But the sooner we dry our tears over the child who might have been and get on with the business of what to do about the child who is, the sooner some sense of balance will be restored to our lives. No one escapes this life without trials—ours are just a little more visible than some. Self-pity wastes valuable energy needed to help the child. We can prove again, as Jesus taught, that we truly find our lives when we lose them in the service of others."